


While the world let go

by Esta Camille Lupin (edye327)



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Damsel in Distress, F/M, Happy Ending, Sick Fic, beauty is more than skin deep, child newtina, fetus newtina, kid newtina, newtina, newtina angst, newtina au, newtina flangst, newtina fluff, there are just a lot of feelings, tw car accident, tw mentions of abuse, tw mentions of neglect, tw tbi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-05 15:37:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11016390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edye327/pseuds/Esta%20Camille%20Lupin
Summary: Newt and Tina meet in 6th grade.They go on their first official date in 7th grade.They finally kiss in 8th grade.They grow closer, in sickness and in health, in 9th grade.They say “I love you” in 10th grade.And then there’s the car accident.AKA, the most ridiculous, gratuitous Newtina AU, which spans their entire life, that there ever was. Probably between G and T, purely because of some trauma and angst. With a happy ending!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in my head during a hike when I was listening to "While the World Let Go" by A Rocket to the Moon (which also inspired [_Wherever You Go_](archiveofourown.org/works/10402932), and is beautiful). This work went, as usual, from a one shot to a monstrously long multi-chapter.
> 
> TW for trauma (car crash). It's just one chapter though, which you can skip. Otherwise, nothing too crazy.

_ And I will fall, I'll fall so hard _ _  
_ _ In hopes I land in your arms _

They meet in sixth grade, when Newt’s dad dies and Elsie gets a job in a small town in Massachusetts. Until now, the Scamander boys had been privately tutored, and the idea of public school is more daunting to Newt than it is to his older brother Theseus. Elsie insists that he’s a lovely, charming boy and he’ll do just fine.

Newt walks into his classroom on the first day of school, cautiously optimistic, and immediately feels out of his element. Eyes darting nervously around the room, he takes the nearest available seat and rests his sack lunch on the desk. Before he can try to say hello to the pretty girl next to him, however, she turns around, marches up to the teacher, and tattles on Newt for having a peanut butter sandwich in a nut-free classroom.

“Thank you, Tina,” their teacher says wearily, shooting Newt a reassuring and sympathetic look. “Welcome, Newton.”

Newt doesn’t peak in middle school, but then again who does? He’s small for his age, all pointy elbows, freckles, and a gap-toothed smile that appears once in a blue moon. The other kids don’t particularly take to him, which he convinces himself is fine. Some of them know that his family is wealthy, some have heard rumors that his father was unfaithful, but the majority simply do not like him.

Lunchtime is the worst of it. One day in early October, Newt’s heart sinks as he watches another group of his classmates get up and leave when he joins the table. But then he sees Tina, alone, stand and walk quickly out of the cafeteria, shoulders hunched. Without thinking twice, Newt takes his nut-free sandwich and follows. They haven’t spoken very much since her ratting him out on the first day; people think she’s stuck up. He thinks otherwise, although cautious optimism doesn’t seem to be getting him very far.

It isn’t long before he finds Tina. She’s sitting in the school supply closet, leaned against a stack of whiteboards with her knees tucked up to her chest, flipping through a book and eating an apple. She looks up in surprise and then suspicion when he approaches.

“I’m Newt,” Newt introduces himself, extending a hand.

It takes her a moment and his most encouraging smile (at least, he thinks so) before she seems to give in. “Tina.” Then she frowns. “Why are you wearing a bowtie?”

“My dad gave it to me. He died,” Newt explains.

Tina’s critical gaze softens. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Unexpectedly, she reaches over and pats his hand. “I’m sorry.” There’s a faltering pause before she confesses, “My parents are gone too.” 

Newt doesn’t know what to say. Luckily, Tina changes the subject.

“So the other kids don’t like you, huh?” She perches her half-eaten apple carefully atop the closed book.

Newt shrugs self-consciously. “I suppose not.”

“Well, I like you,” Tina says sincerely. This comes as a surprise, considering how their first interaction went. “They don’t like me either.”

Newt feels something, he isn’t sure what, but it’s excitement and hope and as though he’s just breathed his first lungful of oxygen since his father’s death. He looks down; Tina’s hand is still on his. She blushes and pulls it away.

“What are you reading?” Newt asks tactfully.

“I wanna be a policewoman.” She sounds shy, and much less confident than she should be. Newt thinks back to how she’d tattled on him.

“You would be a good policewoman,” he decides.

Tina’s face lights up. “Really?” and when she smiles for real this time a little dimple appears on her cheek.

“Yes,” he replies with conviction. “You are very good at upholding the law.”

“Thanks, Mr. Scamander,” she says a bit teasingly.

“You’re welcome, Miss Goldstein.”

And thus they become friends.

* * *

The winter school dance rolls around in December. Newt only goes because Tina is going. They don’t bother actually dancing, but spend most of the time eating all the cookies and chatting away. One of Newt’s new friends, Credence Barebones, catches Newt on the way back from the bathroom. Credence is in his math class; he’s got a hideous bowl cut and crooked teeth and is likable in a surprising sort of way.

“Are you gonna ask her?” Credence asks urgently.

“What?” Newt tries to brush past, but his friend blocks him.

“Seraphina told me.”

Newt eyes Credence warily. “Told you what?”

“Tina likes you. She wants you to ask her to slow dance.”

Newt’s heart does something peculiar. “What?”

Credence groans with all of the impatience and long-suffering pain of an 11-year-old boy trying to matchmake. “Tina. Likes. You. Tina Goldstein.”

“What?”

“I give up.” Credence grins, though, and claps Newt on the shoulder. “You didn’t hear it from me.” 

He scampers off before Newt can question him further. Which is fine, because Newt is having trouble making sense of anything at the moment. Mind racing, he grabs his phone and dials.

“Newton?” Theseus answers on the first ring. He’s a good big brother like that. “I’m with Sophia, what’s wrong?”  _ Theseus,  _ of course, had no problem getting a girlfriend practically the minute he walked into his new high school.

Newt hurriedly explains the situation, casting anxious looks at the door in case someone comes out and catches him in the humiliating act of deferring to his big brother for middle school relationship advice. 

“Ask her,” Theseus advises immediately. “Don’t have regrets.”

“But—”

“Newt Scamander! Hurry up!” It’s Seraphina Picquery, Credence’s best friend.

Newt freezes, unsure what to say or do. “I—”

“Do it,” Theseus says, and hangs up.

“Come on, you,” Seraphina says, marching over and yanking him towards the door by the wrist.

“Could you maybe not—”

He goes ignored, of course. Seraphina delivers her cargo and disappears into the group of inappropriately dancing tweens.

“Oh,” Tina says, smiling and clearly oblivious to the entire mess that’s just developed. “There you are.”

The pop tune is winding down, soon to be followed by the last slow song of the evening, and Newt never thought he would have  _ this _ sort of dilemma. Tina truly has changed him. He isn’t sure he likes it in this moment. “Er... yes,” he replies eloquently.

“Are you okay?” Tina’s brow furrows in concern. She’s so  _ nice _ to him, Newt thinks hopelessly. “We can leave and get ice cream instead.”

“I—”

The music changes. Newt panics, feeling ready to throw up as he watches his peers pair off. But he trusts his popular big brother, and he’d like to trust his friends, and he  _ knows _ he has a crush, so he shuts his eyes and holds out his hand to an alarmed Tina.

“Wouldyouliketodance?” he asks all in a rush.

Her eyes widen in shock.

“Oh no, you don’t have to—” he starts, mortified, but Tina grabs his hand and pulls him onto the dance floor. Then, taking cues from everyone around them, he gingerly places his hands on her waist. To his surprise, she pulls him closer so that her arms around his neck. They maintain an appropriate distance, wary of the eagle-eyed parent chaperones dying of boredom around the fringes of the room, but it’s a lot closer than Newt’s ever gotten to a girl. Especially a pretty girl like Tina.

They sway side to side to the music, neither exactly a seasoned professional (not that swaying side to side requires very much practice or skill) and with every second the awkwardness fades. Slightly. They’re still looking everywhere but at each other until, boldly, Newt makes direct eye contact and holds. Tina, who’s slightly taller than him, meets his gaze and all at once he sees the same  _ something  _ there that he felt during their first conversation. Then she smiles, and he smiles, and they fall in love.   



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So,” Newt says. He’s finally caught up to Tina in height, has even gained an inch on her.
> 
> “So,” Tina echoes. They’re swaying as though caught in each others’ orbits. If somebody doesn’t say something...
> 
> They speak simultaneously: Tina demands, “So are you gonna kiss me?” as Newt plucks up the courage to ask, “Tina, may I kiss you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the absence; hope you're still around and/or having a great summer!

_ We can watch the world go by _ _   
_ _ Falling like stars in the sky _

It turns out later that the slow dance was a setup orchestrated by Credence and Seraphina. Seraphina had told Tina in Newt’s absence that Newt liked  _ her,  _ and warned her not to freak out if Newt asked her to dance. She didn’t, so it was all good, and Credence and Seraphina high-fived smugly.

By January, Newt walks Tina home every day from school. It’s a solid 20 minutes out of his way, but he does it rain or shine because he knows that Tina hates taking the bus. She gets bus sick and anyway, she likes to spend a few minutes at the end of school looking through new arrivals in the library. He lets her use his account if she hits the seven-book limit. 

When he’s hit with the flu in February, Newt begs Theseus to make sure Tina gets home safely, ignoring the fact that she can easily suffer through one bus ride. Instead, Tina shows up on Newt’s doorstep with a Tupperware of chicken soup, a fresh Kleenex box with a smiley face Sharpie-d onto the cardboard, and a ripped-out piece of notebook paper that says “get well soon” with not one, not two, but  _ three _ hearts around it.

This is the first time she meets Elsie, and all things considered it goes very well. They have a chat about Newt not taking care of himself (Newt listens tolerantly) which leads to Tina enthusing about her dreams of a future in law enforcement. After half an hour has gone by and Theseus has now returned to meet the girl his brother’s been talking about for what he  _ claims _ is months, Newt feels compelled to remind everyone exactly why Tina is in the house (to see him). Elsie bites back an amused grin.

Summer brings bike rides, ice cream, and camping in Newt’s back yard. They lie on their backs and make up names for constellations, and Newt is the first to reach over and take Tina’s hand. Queenie, Tina’s adoptive mother, pays Newt in quarters to help take out their trash and water their plants, just so he can say “it’s on me” whenever he and Tina go to the candy shop or the cheap sandwich place down the road.

It takes awhile for him to learn about Queenie; Tina keeps quiet, and although (very unfairly, he thinks) Elsie knows of their background, she refuses to tell him until Tina wants to discuss it. It's a hushed August night a few weeks before seventh grade starts and they're lying on Newt’s trampoline in the back yard, holding hands, when Tina finally brings it up. 

Queenie Kowalski, an elementary school teacher, met Tina when she joined her kindergarten class halfway through the year. One night, just as she was about to leave, DCF marched in and informed Queenie that Tina had been taken from her parents after a concerned citizen reported their abuse and neglect. However, they couldn't find anyone who could host Tina in the interim, until they made more permanent arrangements, and time was running out. 

Without hesitation, Queenie volunteered. She bundled Tina up in winter clothes from the lost and found, borrowed a car seat from the aftercare program, and drove them straight to the local family diner for burgers and milkshakes. It was supposed to be for a few nights, but days turned to weeks and weeks to months and months to years, and here they are now. 

Queenie loves being a single mom, and Tina loves  _ having _ a mom who pays attention to her. Unfortunately, there is still tension and concern about her biological parents coming back and hunting her down, so Queenie is grateful when Newt starts walking Tina everywhere, if only for the emotional support. There's a noticeable change in both 12-year-olds: Tina opens up and smiles almost constantly, and Newt grows more confident and caring.

In seventh grade, Newt officially asks Tina out. There is a lot of confusion first because she thought they already  _ were _ dating, but when he clarifies that he would like to be her  _ boyfriend,  _ for real, she immediately says yes.

Newt enlists his brother and mother’s help in planning their first official date. Elsie drives him to Tina’s house, dressed in a collared shirt and his dad’s bowtie. Theseus’s girlfriend Sophia helps with Newt’s hair, which Theseus then fixes to look not terrible. Newt picks a flower from their garden and tells Tina honestly that she’s beautiful when she answers the door.

They go to a nice restaurant for which Newt has saved with whatever odd jobs he can get around the neighborhood. He makes sure to do all the chivalrous things, but Tina comments at the end of the evening that he seems off.

“Did you not have a nice time?” he asks, crestfallen.

“No, it was amazing,” she reassures him, “but I like  _ you.  _ You know, without all the...” She gestures to him.

He  _ really _ isn’t sure what to say to that. “Thank you?” he manages, and then they both laugh.

“It was lovely,” she reassures him, her brown eyes warm and everything Newt likes. He glances nervously down the street, where Elsie is waiting, and turns back to thank Tina for going out with him. She surprises him, however, by leaning over and kissing him on the cheek. Butterflies erupt in his stomach and he realizes, in that moment, that he is  _ really _ in for it. But the good news is, judging by the fact that he isn’t the only one blushing here, she’s really in for it too.

* * *

Their first kiss is in May of 8th grade. Now that the weather has warmed up, Newt and Tina take turns going over to each other's houses, always leaving time for an evening stroll around the area before they have to go back. They draw out the walk as long as possible; by now their mothers have both stopped worrying if they take two hours to walk five blocks. 

This time, weaving through the playground and counting cars, Newt and Tina find a softly lit gazebo in a field they haven’t ventured into before, and stand beneath the stars and fairy lights to enjoy the summer breeze and the scent of roses. Something new hangs between them: it’s charged and tense in a way it hasn’t been before. They’ve  _ officially _ dated for nine months, though they’ve liked each other for more than twice as long.

“So,” Newt says. He’s finally caught up to Tina in height, has even gained an inch on her.

“So,” Tina echoes. They’re swaying as though caught in each others’ orbits. If somebody doesn’t say something...

They speak simultaneously: Tina demands, “So are you gonna kiss me?” as Newt plucks up the courage to ask, “Tina, may I kiss you?”

“Yes,” they respond at the same time, and laugh.

It’s a chaste first kiss, neither one having any experience and both of them minorly terrified, but Tina’s lips are soft and she tastes of vanilla ice cream and Newt’s heart is thumping wildly when she pulls away.

“Thank you,” they both say, awkwardly staring at the ground for a moment. But Tina leans in again and catches Newt’s lips and buries her fingers in his hair and yes, he is really  _ really  _ in for it.

Then it’s over, and Newt puts his arm around Tina’s shoulders and they lean up against the railing of the gazebo as they watch the world go by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed :) it's about to get all angsty up in here so brace yourselves... and please do leave a comment!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It should’ve been me,” she insists tearfully.
> 
> “No,” Newt shakes his head wildly, “it should not have been anyone, but you are not to blame.”
> 
> “Maybe I am,” she whispers.
> 
> Newt pulls her closer to him and whispers back. “No, you’re not.” She tilts her chin up for a kiss, the look in her eyes so haunted and wounded that it physically pains Newt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is angsty, but not the pinnacle of angst yet. Sorry! But at least they said "I love you."

_ I said don't go, I need you here _ _   
_ _ Just hold me close until the coast is clear _

The first time Newt sees Tina fall apart is in September of 9th grade, when she finds out that her biological parents have been sentenced to fifty years in prison for infanticide. She ignores her boyfriend for a week straight until Queenie has mercy, tells him what happens, and comes to pick him up so he can talk to Tina.

“Thank you, Miss Kowalski,” he says, rubbing his hands nervously on his pants.

She casts him a fond look. “Oh, don’t be silly. Teenie needs you.”

Newt, who’s had a truly atrocious week, feels something like hope creep back into his heart. “Really?”

Queenie beams as they pull into the driveway. “Of course, honey!” 

It’s barely two minutes before Newt’s arms are full of a sobbing Tina, who clings to him and his heart breaks because he can’t fix this, can only hold her close. She’s old enough to remember her parents, to carry the scars and know how they came about, and although she feels she should be relieved at their fate, they were still her  _ parents,  _ and what is far more heartbreaking is the fact that she had a  _ sibling.  _

“It should’ve been me,” she insists tearfully.

“No,” Newt shakes his head wildly, “it should not have been anyone, but you are not to blame.”

“Maybe I am,” she whispers.

Newt pulls her closer to him and whispers back. “No, you’re not.” She tilts her chin up for a kiss, the look in her eyes so haunted and wounded that it physically pains Newt.

“Please don’t go,” she implores when Newt’s phone rings and he realizes he forgot to tell his mom what he was doing.

“I can’t talk now,” he tells Elsie shortly. “Text Queenie.”

She does, because half an hour later she’s brought over a toothbrush and pair of pajamas. Queenie orders the young couple a pizza and lets them buy some silly cop show that takes Tina’s mind off of things. They watch Netflix long past midnight, Newt’s arm around Tina and Tina’s ear pressed over his heart, her fingers tangled in his shirt. She steals his Franklin Park Zoo hoodie because she’s cold, and he teases her because she clearly has no intention of giving it back.

Eventually their eyes close and the screen goes black. Newt wakes briefly, long enough to find a blanket and carefully cover Tina’s bare feet with it, before settling back down with a relieved sigh. She reaches over and grabs hold of his hand, and he falls asleep to the sound of her breathing and the feel of her fingers, begging him not to let go.

* * *

Queenie and Tina move a 7-minute walk from Newt’s house at the end of their freshman year. If he and Tina didn’t live at each other’s places before, they do now.

The single mothers are fairly relaxed about it; they don’t mind the occasional overnight (Sophia’s basically moved into the Scamander residence anyway), but they set  _ some _ boundaries. Lucky for everyone, both Tina and Newt are devoted students, although there have been some concerns raised about the latter in regards to rule-following, i.e. no bringing wild animals into school for any reason whatsoever. All in all, it works.

There are fights, and plenty of them. Tina yells at Newt for a solid hour once, accusing him of being emotionally inept and incapable of being what she needs. Newt gets angry when Tina becomes too focused on school and starts forgetting to eat or sleep or  _ talk _ to him. The neighbors have resigned themselves to slamming doors, because they know that the couple are generally agreeable, responsible kids who have been thick as thieves since Newt first stepped foot in Massachusetts.

Newt is the first to say it. They’re in the middle of a heated argument during finals week, and his blood is boiling because Tina is being childish and immature and rude and  _ inconsiderate  _ to him and he’s had enough, but instead of saying everything running through his head he blurts out, “I love you.”

She forgives him.   


* * *

It’s Newt’s turn to have a mental breakdown in 10th grade, when his uncle dies at the same age as his dad did. He’s there when it happens, and once the paramedics arrive the first thing he does is run out of the room and call Tina. She gets Seraphina’s older brother, Ewan, to drive her 40 minutes to where Newt is, because Queenie is at a conference and none of her friends have cars. People are swarming around the estate. Elsie and Theseus and Sophia have arrived and are planning to go to the hospital. Newt can’t take it, doesn’t even want to look at his own family, and instead buries his head in Tina’s neck and breathes in the smell of her shampoo. The cops approach to ask him questions; Tina quells them with a look.

“Is the coast clear?” he whispers. He can’t stand to see the body. He can’t stand to see anyone or deal with anything. 

“No,” Tina murmurs, and cradles the back of his head in her hand.

He falls limp, held up by his girlfriend, and when she tells him it’s alright to open his eyes, it’s just the two of them standing in an empty driveway.

“Come on,” she says quietly, taking him by the hand. 

She spent part of last summer here—it seems like eons ago now that they were making up card games and frolicking in the water—and remembers where everything is. They walk down the road until they come across a small abandoned cottage.

“Newt,” Tina says, gesturing to his wrists and knees; Newt realizes that he’s covered in scrapes from when he fell onto the pavement in shock. She leads him to the water pump in the back, and ever so gently runs cool water over the abrasions. The pain is gone, but he suspects that has more to do with her touch than the water.

They return to the front of the cottage and sit on the overgrown front lawn. Tina leans up against the back of a solid oak tree with Newt’s head in her lap. Newt closes his eyes as she strokes his hair, leans down and kisses him on the forehead.

“I need you here,” he confesses.

“I won’t go,” she promises, and she doesn’t.

* * *

Though Newt bends over backwards to help Tina, she is no less supportive. This is proven in the fall of 11th grade, when Leta Lestrange has the audacity to imply that Newt’s father was a sugar daddy who spent all their money on women he had affairs with.

“That's why you're poor now,” she sneers.

“What have I done to you?” Newt asks in horror. He's never been in a public situation like this, in the center of the cafeteria, facing off with a bully. It later transpires that she had secretly harbored a crush on him for years and when he accidentally ignored her attempt to say hi—in reality, Newt is simply scatterbrained and didn't notice she was trying to talk to him—she snapped.

“You think you're better than everyone else,” Leta sneers.

“Excuse me,” says Tina, and shoves several onlookers out of the way to join her boyfriend and Leta. She stands in front of the other girl, eyes flashing. “Can I help you?”

Leta flinches slightly; Tina has certainly grown into a police persona, and she's now almost 5’10”. Newt feels smug and also incredibly scared as to whether a fight is about to break out. That doesn’t stop the resentful teenager, though. “Your little boyfriend’s daddy was—”

Leta doesn't get to finish, because Tina slaps her in the face. There's a collective gasp. Leta is gaping at her assailant, fingers running over a rapidly reddening cheek.

Tina is suspended for one day. The principal had every right to do longer, but he’s a good guy who never did like the Lestranges. Newt has never seen anything more brilliant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a happy ending. They just have to get through a lot of heartache first. But if anyone can, it's this remarkable couple.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW car accident. There'll be a little about it, and then about Tina's recovery from her injuries and healing process, though no more descriptions of the accident itself.
> 
> \--
> 
> They're driving Tina's car when it happens.
> 
> Newt usually plays chauffeur, but Elsie recently took away his wheels after he was involved in a tiny insignificant situation at the local zoo. All the animals were fine, anyway.
> 
> It's a small, unassuming back road at night. Nobody knows exactly what happens, but in less than ten seconds the car's smoking, Newt blacks out, and Tina can't move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that, two chapters. It's Sunday, so I figured why not.
> 
> Angst abounds, so brace yourselves. 
> 
> P.S. I did my best, but I'm not a med student or professional, so I apologize if I got any medical details wrong. Feel free to (politely, of course) correct me and I'll edit it.

_ I'm never gonna let you go _ _   
_ _ Your love's gonna save my soul _

They're driving Tina's car when it happens. 

Newt usually plays chauffeur, but Elsie recently took away his wheels after he was involved in a tiny insignificant situation at the local zoo. All the animals were fine, anyway.

It's a small, unassuming back road at night. Nobody knows exactly what happens, but in less than ten seconds the car's smoking, Newt blacks out, and Tina can't move. 

Newt comes to first. The passenger side door is so crumpled and jammed that he can't get it open. He takes quick inventory, numb from the shock: he can move all of his limbs. His head and neck hurt, but it can't be worse than whiplash or a concussion. Nothing is broken. 

But the car is on fire, and Tina isn't moving. Panicking and knowing that he  _ needs _ to get them out, Newt first tries unsuccessfully to break the window. He scrabbles around and finds his cell phone, which is thankfully in one piece. With shaking hands he dials 911. 

The operator is infuriatingly calm and collected as she asks about Tina's condition. He wants to scream, because she really doesn't understand that Tina is his world, and the most incredible girl he's ever met, and there's no time to answer questions.

While he's on the phone, he finally manages to shatter the window with superhuman strength, his hands covered in blood but an escape route finally available. The fire, which began in the engine, is crawling towards an unconscious Tina. 

Heart thrashing against his chest, Newt reaches out, squeezes his eyes shut against the smoke, and unbuckles Tina's seatbelt. Then, just as he's about to drag her over the console, there's an explosion. He ducks, but the flames burn the side of Tina's face, singing his arm hair and leaving shiny streaks of burnt skin behind. 

Newt hears sirens in the distance and, mustering all of his strength, manages to pull Tina onto the passenger seat, praying that the paramedics get here in time. He can't chance moving her any further. Adrenaline is pumping through his veins; he can't feel the pain, can only gaze in horror at his unconscious girlfriend.

The ambulance arrives a minute before the entire car goes up in flames. Grim-faced paramedics come sprinting over and begin doing several things at once, all of which register belatedly to Newt. Tina’s in a cervical collar on a backboard and they’re treating the obviously very serious burns on her face and talking about concussions and spinal fractures and Newt stands there, hands bleeding, helpless.

“What’s wrong?” he begs one of the men, but he goes unheard or ignored and a cop wants his story to file an accident report. Newt doesn’t know the answers to his questions, and he does not have two shits to give anyway.

His girlfriend is being piled into the back of an ambulance, tubes and medical equipment drowning her, and this cannot be happening. He would be sick if he wasn’t frozen. The noise is deafening. The silence is deafening. He falls to his knees on the pavement as he did last year when his uncle died. “You need to move, sir,” someone says.   
  
That's when it hits him. Tina could legitimately die, could be brain dead already, and he will be  _ alone  _ when he swore he would never let her go. "No!" Newt shrieks, shoving the paramedic attempting to treat his arms. "Not Tina—"

He's being shushed and he swears at the firemen. He's being told to calm down and he nearly hits the cop. He's being restrained by two uniforms and he wrenches himself free to leap desperately into the back of Tina's ambulance. 

"Sir, we can't let you do that. Your girlfriend is in critical condition," the person in the ambulance tells him.

“Get Queenie,” he orders frantically, unable to see Tina over the tubes and machines and needles and bandages.

“Who?”

“Queenie Kowalski.”

Apparently he had been asked multiple times if Tina has an emergency contact, but he hadn’t bothered answering. Queenie is there in less than five minutes—it’s so absurd, isn’t it, that this happened minutes from home—and gets in the ambulance, shaking. She doesn’t even acknowledge Newt.

* * *

In the hospital, Newt screams at his mom. "This is your fault!" he bellows, his own anguish echoing around the empty corridor. "If you had not taken my keys—"

"Newton, sweetheart," Elsie says, her face pale and drawn but her tone firm. "It won't do to get this upset—"

"Upset? Tina is in critical condition, she may never walk again if she doesn't  _ die.  _ You  _ bitch,”  _ and he means it, in the moment.

Elsie sets her jaw. "Your brother is waiting outside. You are free to go."

Newt snatches the discharge papers out of her hands and crumples them up savagely, two seconds away from starting to throw things. But if he does that, he's going to end up ejected from the hospital, and he'll never get to see Tina again. 

"I'm staying," he informs his mom. 

"Queenie is with her now..."

"Staying," he repeats firmly. 

“They may not let you see her for quite some time.”

“Then I’ll wait.”

Nobody is going to move him out of his chair in the waiting room. Because he isn’t  _ complete _ without Tina, he isn’t functioning; she is half of his heart, half of his soul, and so not even a goddamn warrant for his arrest is going to convince him to leave.

Finally his maniacal persistence pays off. Tina is unresponsive but stable, and they let Newt in to see her.

"I'm sorry they gave you trouble, honey," Queenie says, meeting him at the door. "I would've had you in there too."

Newt feels a lump in his throat. "Really?"

"Of course," Queenie says, beaming at him despite the dark circles under her eyes. "You're family. Now," she pats him fondly on the arm, "I'll leave you two alone."

Newt crosses to Tina's bed and stands there, fighting back tears, for a long time. She’s covered in tubes and bandages and looks so small and helpless it just about kills him. Finally he leans down, puts his arms around her as carefully as if she is made of spun glass. He nearly cries in frustration at the fact that she doesn't smell like her, like the shampoo he likes, not even like his deodorant from when she rudely stays the night and leaves in the morning wearing his Franklin Park Zoo sweatshirt. She smells of antiseptic and hand sanitizer and copper and everything horrible and medical and he wants more than anything to take her place instead.

"I love you," he whispers, gripping her distressingly unresponsive hand. "I’m never going to let you go." He leans down and kisses her on the forehead, then pulls up a chair and sits down, their fingers intertwined, as the monitor beeps on.

* * *

He follows the doctors around for the next four weeks. Not only does Tina need skin grafts, but questions as to whether she will be able to walk ever again won't be answered until she's fully lucid.

Elsie and Theseus don't even try to argue. Everyone knows that the two of them have been a package deal since they met in sixth grade. Instead, Theseus brings by schoolwork and clothes every day, and he silently passes Newt $60 after the first week. The benefit to living in a small town means that no explanation is necessary: his boss hears that Tina Goldstein is in the ICU and automatically assumes that Newt won't be coming back until she does. 

The hospital staff is not so fond of his constant vigil, finding him incredibly inconvenient and attempting to get rid of him several times. Newt still camps out in the waiting room, however, until finally they cave and allow him round-the-clock access to his girlfriend's room.

By week two, the hospital staff have come to accept his presence and even slightly appreciate it. Although it's illegal for him to take over in any capacity, he learns to speak doctorese quite proficiently (to the point where he ever so politely corrects one of the doctors mid-consultation; the nurse stifles a snort at that) and does research into her prognosis and any potential treatments on his laptop late at night, one hand resting protectively on Tina's knee. He does seem acutely attuned to her needs; even though he's only 17, a doctor comments that he might as well be Tina's husband. They've been together for five and a half years, after all, and it shows.

Her face is healing, much to Newt’s relief. The only cost is cosmetic—she will never look quite the same again—but who cares about that when it's his Tina? 

Newt continues to follow the doctors, taking notes on their every conversation and recording Tina's every movement. He also starts to write letters to Tina daily in the hopes that she will open her eyes and be able to read about everything that's happened and how loved she is. He reminds her that she wants to be a policewoman, that she has college applications and prom.

He writes in one letter that her love is going to save his soul. And, sure enough, it does. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why listening to this song made me immediately think of Tina being paralyzed is beyond me, but hopefully the story tends towards beautiful rather than merely depressing :P


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt is suffering through calculus homework when Tina stirs. She's stirred before, since the doctors started carefully weaning her off of the drugs, so he's cautious to get his hopes up and goes back to his homework. But then she moves for real, and he's at her side in a split second to see her eyes open and focus in on him.
> 
> “Tina?” he asks in a hushed voice.
> 
> “Newt?” and it’s the best thing he has ever heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter! It was hard keeping chapter lengths consistent when working around the lyrics, but I'm posting this with the next chapter too. I guess the lengthy end note compensates ;) speaking of, I apologize in advance for the end note, but I'm at a loss right now. Thank you for all of your support, honestly your kind words about my writing are all I need and I'm so appreciative :)

_ And after all we've been through fire and smoke _ _   
_ _ And through it all we've kept a hold of hope _ _   
_ __ While the world let go

Newt is suffering through calculus homework when Tina stirs. She's stirred before, since the doctors started carefully weaning her off of the drugs, so he's cautious to get his hopes up and goes back to his homework. But then she moves for real, and he's at her side in a split second to see her eyes open and focus in on him.

“Tina?” he asks in a hushed voice.

“Newt?” and it’s the best thing he has ever heard,  _ ever,  _ and it takes everything he has not to launch himself at her. Instead, he hits the call button with shaking fingers, and everyone pours in.

“Sorry,” he apologizes, getting pushed around by the nurses and doctors wielding clipboards and asking Tina rapidfire questions. Tina is still dazed, but she reaches out and finds Newt’s hand unerringly.  _ I’m never gonna let you go. _

* * *

She’s terrified, skittish, and overwhelmed. Newt doesn’t mind that she clings to him more than she does to her own mother. Her experience with the paramedics was enough to send her careening into an aversion to doctors, and for quite some time she will only speak to them when Newt is there. It seems ridiculous, but she’s been through a horribly traumatic experience and if this is the only price to pay, then he will pay it in full.

The first few days of Tina finally being conscious are spent in slightly disjointed conversations. She’s still disoriented, still exhausted, and still struggling to feed herself. They’ve had people doing physical therapy with her, of course, but her muscle strength will take time to return. For now, Newt opens the windows and tries to bargain with the doctors to get her outside of these horrible four walls. He can’t imagine being stuck in a hospital bed like this.

Tina’s burns aren’t healed yet and the skin grafts don’t look pretty. But  _ she’s _ pretty. It doesn’t matter what her outsides look like.

“I owe you,” she tells him frankly.

“No you don’t,” he replies.

She reaches out and intertwines their fingers. “I love you.”

He smiles. “Yes you do.”

“What are we going to do?”

He shrugs. “What we’ve always done.”

Tina brings his fingers up to her lips. “Which is what?”

“Keep a hold on hope.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been a bit inactive because of school and then quite a lot of stress at the moment. So I hate to do this, but I'm fairly desperate at this point. I'm currently paying my way through college, as my parents won't co-sign loans and I have no other support. My planned full time job didn't work out (nobody wanted to communicate to me that I'd only be doing like, 10 hours a week, until I asked for the schedule and was informed that I wasn't on it) and I was counting on it for the next couple months. Because of a tricky financial situation, I don't get enough financial aid. I set up a support page here: academla.com/support. There are links to more details and ways you can help out.
> 
> I know I don't have a whole lot of readers, and some people may not particularly like me, but I'm fighting for my education and I love to write. I don't want to charge people just for reading or commissions, but it is something I create (and obviously have put a lot into; if my account isn't extra in terms of how many works I have then I don't know what is!) and if you have a few dollars to spare, it would be tremendously appreciated!! I'm putting this here, because this fic doesn't have as many readers, and I really hate to beg, but I think the readers who read my smaller fics are the ones who have supported me for awhile now, so thank you <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One night they go back to the gazebo where they first kissed. It's a warm August evening, and people mill around the green, chatting and laughing. Cars pass, but nobody bothers them. Newt knows Tina is tense, always frightened of people reacting to her face, and it breaks his heart that he can't do anything about it.
> 
> “I love you,” he tells her. She tilts her face up so he can kiss her, in full view of the entire green, and then, as they always have, they watch the world go by for a single shining moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Apologies again for last chapter's end note, I feel really embarrassed, but like I said, I'm really at a loss)
> 
> Things are starting to look up, at least. I saw an airplane crash survivor on AGT (I think it was), and it made me think of Tina. It's so unfortunate that people have to go through these things, and then deal with society's reactions to their appearances, but lucky for many of them, they have those who love them for who they are.

_ If the moon doesn't come _ _   
_ _ And we're left without the sun _ _   
_ _ I will still hold you tight _ _   
_ __ While we wait out the night

Newt cries with Tina when they find out that her paralysis is permanent. For an excruciating 36 hours she won’t let him into the hospital room. When she finally acquiesces, she’s been taken off of all the tubes and the IVs and it’s just her, just Tina, sitting up in a hospital gown looking devastated.

“I love you,” he whispers, and kisses her for the first time since before the accident, hoping against hope that he will be able to convey everything that he feels and the pain that he’s endured, watching her go through this.

“Please,” she whispers when he pulls away, and he climbs under the covers with her so that she can place her hand over his heart and bury her face in his neck.

He holds her tight, and together they wait out the night.

* * *

Tina goes through an anger phase. When Newt visits, he hands Tina his once-oversized Franklin Park Zoo sweatshirt. “It’s yours anyway,” he teases her.

She tosses it carelessly onto a chair. “I'm ugly,” she states. 

He's horrified, but he can't say he wasn't prepared for this. It's true that she looks different now, that skin grafts are no beauty and Credence and Seraphina visibly stop themselves from flinching when they see her. Even Queenie and Elsie gaze at her differently, avert their eyes in the beginning. 

Not Newt. He could always watch her forever, because she is endlessly fascinating no matter how she looks.

“You are beautiful,” he states. 

Tina’s eyes are stormy and injured. “Screw you.”

“We can get through this together,” he promises her. She glares at him.

“The world is over,” she declares. 

Newt finds himself getting annoyed at her unnecessary (he thinks, forgetting for a moment the ordeal that she’s been through) histrionics. “No,” he says stolidly. “The sun still rises, and the moon still comes out, and you are still beautiful.”

Tina spits, “I hate you.” But two seconds later she's dissolved into tears and Newt wraps his arms around her in a flash. “I'm sorry,” she whispers. 

“I know,” he replies, still holding her tight. “I know.”

* * *

The doctors are keeping an eye on Tina for a to-be-determined length of time, in case anything should change for better or for worse. Newt just wants her  _ out.  _

Finally, she's discharged with appointments for physical therapy and checkups and a wheelchair. Newt walks with her to the new handicapped van Queenie has gone into debt over.

It’s spring, and Tina won’t go back to school. Nobody is making her. Newt has to, though, and so he returns and ignores all the whispers and pretends not to hear the questions, and then gets dinner on the way home for him and Tina. She must be getting sick of her bed, her room, and no fresh air, but she’s too scared to even look at the wheelchair.

Newt asks her to prom in the same bowtie he wore when they first met. He hands her the packet of letters he’d written while she was in the hospital, and the last one asks  _ PROM?  _ It's simple, nothing like the elaborate proposals plastered all over Instagram, but Tina cries because she can't dance and can hardly dress herself. 

It doesn't matter, Newt declares. They'll have prom at home. Queenie and Elsie go with Tina and get a prom dress, and Newt tells her she's beautiful, and they watch movies and eat Chinese takeout in their formalwear. Slowly, Tina’s smile begins to creep back, something inside of her seems to thaw, and though there are long nights and stretches of time in which everyone who loves her is ready to give up because of the sheer anger and angst and drama... they become fewer and far between.

It’s June soon enough, and school is winding to a close. Newt manages to ace his finals, which puts Tina in legitimately good spirits. She’s determined now to finish the year, despite everyone’s concerns about a lengthy healing process and the trauma she’s undergone. 

Queenie begs Newt to talk Tina out of it, but instead he goes to school, talks the principal  _ into _ it, and tutors his girlfriend all summer. In his free time, he works double to help pay off the van and other medical bills; insurance is virtually useless. Queenie insists that he doesn't need to do it, shouldn't, because he has his own life and college in his future. 

What all these defeatist people don't understand is that Newt doesn't  _ have _ his own life, let alone a future, without Tina. He’ll go to college, of course, but where he goes depends entirely on what she decides to do. If she stays at home, he will go to community college and work and help her get her GED. It's been the obvious plan since she was told she would never walk again.

Tina continues to get better as the summer progresses. She smiles wider, she talks more, and she and Newt go for walks again. Seraphina and Credence drop by, even offer to take them to the beach, but that's too far. Tina still won't look in the mirror, convinced that she's ugly. Newt deletes all of her social media accounts when she starts receiving hate.

They argue, not just about the accident. It's comforting to see that their domesticity is back, that they fight about things like wet towels on the floor and burnt toast. 

One night they go back to the gazebo where they first kissed. It's a warm August evening, and people mill around the green, chatting and laughing. Cars pass, but nobody bothers them. Newt knows Tina is tense, always frightened of people reacting to her face, and it breaks his heart that he can't do anything about it.

“I love you,” he tells her. She tilts her face up so he can kiss her, in full view of the entire green, and then, as they always have, they watch the world go by for a single shining moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This. Is so. Angsty. And cavity-inducing. Someone save me!!!
> 
> I'm reaching the point in the fic where there's some wiggle room and I'm soon going to run out of fully written chapters. I can keep going where I'm going, but if you have ideas or requests, definitely comment and I'll see if I can do anything with them.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a terrible predilection for AUs, and I know many people don't like them, but I hope those of you who like AUs, enjoyed this one! Leave me a comment if you'd like to see more :)


End file.
